Feelin' a Little Separation Anxiety....

Oi...I need to write on this thing more! Sorry!! So, I've been going at a Geology midterm since Thursday the 7th. That's almost two weeks of studying for one stupid midterm. I swear this class is going to be the death of me. But I'm going straight to bed after this and getting some rest to take it tomorrow. After this midterm, life will somewhat return to normal. Finals are NOT going to be hard AT ALL. A breeze actually. I just have to study for one of them and it's the last one on the 12th and I just need to barely pass it. So it's all good! :D In the meantime, I need to get my New Yorkin' goin' on!...and yes, that is a word. I made it up myself. There's SO MUCH TO DO! I have a bucket list for the city before I leave and only half of the things are crossed off. I gotta get goin! I'm waiting to hear from my friend Robert, an intern at SNL, about tickets to Jimmy Fallon. Super fun! I plan to wait in line and hopefully get into SNL for my birthday. I head to Buffalo next weekend and a special surprise after that, which I cannot reveal until at LEAST the 25th. I'm planning on taking class at Alvin Ailey, Merce Cunningham, and Equinox within my last two weeks or so of school. Charlye Dehart and I plan to do LOTS of stuff like biking through Central Park, going to Magnolia's cupcakes, and spotting a famous person in SoHo or West Village (I still can't believe I haven't spotted one in the 5 months I've been here!) Wednesday this upcoming week is my last week of institute classes. Friday I head to the Brooklyn Bridge with Charlye and we're going to get some goodies at Ferrara's in Little Italy afterwards. There's SO much to look forward too. Today, after church, I got a little down because I know my time is running out here in the city, at least for a while. Maybe after I graduate in two years work may take me there or something. Who knows?! But I wanna live it up while I have a little time left. I love it here. I've had a lot of trials and hard times, some which have been mentioned on this blog, but not all. And I am extremely grateful for it. I'm especially grateful to my friends and family- mom, dad, Braden, and Grandma for supporting me financially and morally, and allowing me this happiness and adventure. I've learned SO much about myself. These next few weeks are going to be great! I can feel it. It's in the 50s and 60s so the weathering is finally perking up. Let's do this!!! :D

I'm Not Content with Where I Am.

There is SO much to talk about. General Conference being one of them, but I've decided as of now that I will talk about that later. It is currently 11:30pm on a Monday night and my right forearm is sore form golfing so this post shall be short. I wanna go to bed. Why is it that I never like where I am?? I always need to be somewhere else. I think that is one of the reasons why I like travelling so much. I get bored fast. Whenever I schedule something, I just want it to hurry up and get here already! Why can't I just enjoy what I'm in? It's frustrating. Like, for example, my first semester at ASU I was away from home, for a long time, by myself, for the first time ever. So I was calling my parents 7 times a day and crying because I wanted to go home. Then I did go home. And it was boring. Nothing was going on. No one was around. All of my friends were off at college or working, my parents were working, and Braden, my brother, went to school. When they got home, they were all busy doing homework, cooking dinner, and trying to get things done. I just kind of sat there. I went to dance classes as often as I could. But other than that, it was humdrum. So why did I want to go home so badly? The same here in NYC. There's times where I just want to go back to ASU and get my classes done and graduate. Since I'm not there, I want to be there. And because I'm complaining about missing out on stuff in AZ, I miss out on cool stuff here, like Justin Bieber performing live for free in Times Square!!! How could I miss that!? And then I get bitter about how I'm in the thick of things, where everything happens and where many people want to be, and I'm not participating in any of it! Ahhh! Why can't I just be grateful?! Hahaha. I am grateful. Today, I went with my friend, Hannah Wright, to her school classes. She's a dance major at Juilliard. It was AMAZING to watch. And she told me that we can get together and use the space there to practice. Uh, YES!! She's an amazing dancer, 10x better than I will ever be. She's beautiful, elegant, and an amazing friend. The rehearsal space we're using has 1 wall, a wall of windows, a wall of mirror, and another wall of windows overlooking Lincoln Center, with a perfect view of the NYC LDS Temple in view. It's beautiful.  I can't wait to practice with her. I'm going to work hard!! In addition, Danielle Pearson and I are planning to attend classes at Dance New Amsterdam, Alvin Ailey, and Cunningham, among others. I just hope I can afford it. There's still over half of my things to do on my "Shelby's Amazing New York To-Do List" before I go. Many many many things. The last week of April I am looking forward to, and yet I won't. Because I won't be here. In NYC. Go figure.

Sick, Home Sick, and Learning....

So, this is the second time I got sick this semester....which is very odd for me. I, of course, wanted to go out and explore the city, see the sights, take dance classes, audition, all that good stuff. However, when I got sick Wednesday night, I did not take that into account. Juilliard changed my mindset. Friday night I went to a dance performance at Juilliard. My friend, Hannah Wright, was in it and she was beautiful. They all were. This reminded me of the importance of persistance and dedication to my craft. I can't allow myself to go crazy. I have to take care of my body. And being sick, I realize how much of it I take for granted. So, when my friends told me their plan to going to the Statue of Liberty, a Broadway musical, the Bronx, and a bunch of other fun things, it hurt me to turn them all down. I wanted to go, SO BADLY. But I knew that my body wouldn't allow it and that I need to speedily recover. So, I spent the whole day in my room, watching Netflix and drinking Naked juice and hot cocoa. At one point I went next door and bought a fancy sandwich for lunch, a vending machine for a treat, and Walgreens for dinner. I bought simple things and things that I needed for a well balanced diet. I need the nutrients, especially now more than ever. A perk of being sick, is that I always lose weight and slim down to a beanpole again. I love it. But now I need to keep it that way. No more junk. Which is hard to get around in college. :P So after about 4-5 movies and going into a 6th, I realized I hardly talked to anyone all day. So I called my dad. My cousin, Katy, just got baptized and they were at the party. So they passed the phone around and I got to talk to everyone. At this point, I realized how much I missed my parents. I wanted them here. I wanted to pay for 2 tickets to NYC and bring them here this instant. I love them so much. And at times where I am at a big low, emotionally or physically or spiritually or any other "ly" word you can think of, is when I want them near. They boost me up. They know exactly what to say. And for me, the hugs and kisses they give are priceless, touching, comforting, and warm. When I am sick, that is when I want at least one of them near. I want them at my side, stroking my head and handing me orange juice and watching chick flicks with me. Any other girl would want their boyfriend doing that. But I don't have one of those hahaha. And honestly, I think I'd choose my parents over him if I did. As I finished my conversations, the phone was handed back to my dad. I could tell he was closing our conversation and going to hang up. Tears streamed down my face. I'm such a sap. I had a flashback to when he left at the beginning of the semester. When I wanted to run after him but didn't and sorrowfully regretted it. I said goodbye and grabbed some tissues. I took some Nyquil in hopes I would conk out soon and fast. I love my family. I am so grateful for them. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I keep boggling with this idea of being "famous" and becoming really well known within my field, working with celebrities and "making it" in the business....and I so easily forget my blessings. This journey to the Big Apple, I thought, was about getting closer to my dream and becoming a better dancer than ever before. Instead, I got billions of trials thrown my way, a hard and REALLY fast semester to endure, and friendships I hope will last a lifetime after I leave. I don't know what will happen after graduation. I don't know if my dreams will come true, or if they change, or if they stay constant. All I know is, I WILL be happy in the future. Because I have family. I have loved ones. I have friends who are extremely supportive. I have Heavenly Father. It is all so wonderful. I've even met other LDS members who are "making it big". One is a phenomenal dancer and Miss New York City. One is a successful performer on Broadway. One is an accountant on Wall Street. They are all so humble and grateful. I try not to envy them and I definitely look up to them. I still have about 5-6 weeks left, and a family vacation after that. I hope to get more done in that time- auditions, dance classes, experiences, sightseeings, SO MUCH. But I have to get better first. And I have to be more disciplined with my body. Until next time...

Spring Break Madness: Part I

What a relief!! Spring Break is HERE. Friday night I ended up studying and taking half of a final in the library with Nate Henderson, a good friend of mine. Afterwards we went to a diner. He got a full on deli plate and I got a walnut sundae. YUM. Then he walked me home. I went to bed around 12:30 and I wish I went to bed earlier. I got up the next day and went to an audition around 11am. I knew I wouldn't get it because of my build. They were looking for younger, smaller, athletic builds. I was too tall and curvy I suppose. But it was a good audition nonethless. I felt like I did a good job. I need to learn how to do double pirouettes on pointe though. That was the only downside. I felt like I performed well and it was nice to not feel jealous or get other people in my way of performing. I just focused on myself. It was great. I came back and packed for D.C. and grabbed some food. I walked from 16th and 4thAve to 31st street and 8th ave with two REALLY heavy bags. THAT SUCKED. Hahahaha. I also had more drama with my roommates. They were upset that I left the dishes in the sink too long and I disrespected their stuff. So they made me go get my own dishware. I can't afford my own dishware and it only needs to last two months, which is so dumb. But I had to figure it out or I would be eating out for the rest of my stay here. With that drama up in the air, I got on the 5pm train to D.C. I pulled in around 8:30 and Nikki and Adam picked me up around 9pm. They were telling me about all of the cool sights as they drove me to their home, even though I already knew what they were. Hahaha. It was fun to hear some facts that I didn't know. We got to their home in Fairfax and we just ate a bit and chatted, getting to know each other. Nikkie is my first cousin once removed and she is almost 32 weeks pregnant with her first child. It's really exciting. We all went to bed around 2am. The next day, I woke up at 10:30am with church starting at 11!! I rushed to get my make up and change and we made it just as the opening hymn ended. WHEW. We enjoyed our three hours of church and the last hour I helped Nikki out with her primary kids. Then, we went home and made sandwiches, packed some chips and grapes and waited for Adam to come home. Then we drove to this park that was right between the Washington and Jefferson memorials. We had a pinic lunch, the three of us and their two dogs. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. Afterwards, we walked to the Jefferson memorial after realizing that none of us had been. It was quite a walk. I'm surprised Nikki did it being so pregnant. After that we went home. Adam took a nap because he didn't get a lot of sleep the night before and Nikki and I started watching "Coco Chanel". We paused halfway through to have breakfast for dinner and I made chocolate chip cookies. We finished the movie and went to bed once again around 2am. Monday, I slept in 'til around 10:30 again. Such a bad habit. Nikki had visiting teaching that day so I basically worked on homework and my english final. We went to Tyson's Corner, a HUGE mall, and saw "The Adjustment Bureau". We came back and talked some more and I finished my homework. I ended up watching 2 James Bond movies because I couldn't fall asleep before 2am!! Adam has a collection of 007. It makes me very happy. Tuesday morning I was up at 9:30 and ready by 10. Nikki took me to the Dollar Tree and I bought a mug, plate, bowl, stirring spoon, and baking sheet for $5. We went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and got silverware for $6. Hopefully this will resolve my stupid roommate issue. I've realized the stress from them makes me sick. Like, I literally don't feel well. Then, I went and got a manicure to help relax me. Then we rushed to the hospital for Nikki's ultrasound. Her baby is doing well. After that, they took me to the train station. I met up with Genoa Ward, a friend from NYC who was also visiting DC and we went to the space and flying section of the Smithsonian. We walked around a bit and after an hour, we went back to the station. He got a bus ticket and I went on my 5pm train back to NYC. I came home, switched out clothes, left my dishes, and left again to Charlye Dehart's dorm. We just got up and moving for the day, I spent the night, and we're baking and listening to Disney music today. :D We're going to Doughnut Plant because it's supposed to be amazing and I have to go before I leave the city. I leave for Philly tomorrow. Did you get all of that?! WHEW. It's a busy Spring Break but I'm enjoying it.

Just a Little Bit I like To Call...

What a week!! I feel like I should be on Spring Break THIS week because so much happened over this past weekend. I went to Top of the Rock with Charlye, which is SUPER FUN and watching movies on Netflix (thank you, Sylvia). Monday I was on the Today Show THREE times :D :D and my parents and grandma saw me on TV. Heehee! I got to shake Al Rokers hand and Hoda was spotted too. It was really fun but really cold. It was 35 out and I didn't layer enough. So I left after Al did the weather. It's all good. I did it. Checked it off my list.

This week has gone by SO fast. Which is good, since I want Spring Break to start. But at the same time, I have SO much to do before I can do all my break stuff and I don't have enough time to do it all....or I do have enough time but I end up on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube instead of actually doing it. You pick which one. ;) But it's crazy. Because I have a lot of stuff due when I get back and I won't be around, I have to get it done now. I'm also trying to finish up my plans and figure out my financing for all of my destinations. On top of that, in about a week or so, my parents are going with Kayla Chandler to check out apartments so I'll have a place to live when I get back to AZ. So we've been apartment hunting online too. It's craaaazy! So much going on but SO fun.

I've also added another little thing to my list. I'm emailing Justin Bieber. Hahahaha! I send him a message on his YouTube once a day and title it "Message for the Day" each time. Maybe he'll catch on?? heehee. It's fun. I feel like we're pen pals or something. I just write to him about my day, ask how he is, like you would any other friend. It makes me feel like he's more human, "talking" to him so normally. I don't know. Maybe I'll start doing it for other celebs too. It's kinda fun!!

That's about it for now. OH! And my stomache problem I talked about earlier? It's worse than ever. SO BAD. I'm considering finding some sort of doctor or help that I could possibly check out. It feels awful. But I've noticed that whenever I eat fruit- especially oranges- I don't have a problem. But PAH-LEASE. I am NOT spending the rest of my life JUST eating fruit. Food is so good.....

Dance Ups and Downs

Okay, so dance. It's the reason I'm here. And it frustrates the crap out of me. I truly love it but there are times where I think, "Wow, if I just decided to stop dancing right now, SO much pressure would be gone!" I wouldn't have to worry about my figure as much (I mean, not let myself totally go, obviously) but I wouldn't have to be a food nazi. I wouldn't be as hard on myself. Something is always "wrong" with me. I don't have "the look". I can't get my triple pirouette right. My leg isn't straight enough. I do want to perfect my craft but there are times where I just don't feel good enough to make it in this industry. I am grateful that I have a bunch of auditions coming up. I don't plan to book ANYTHING. I don't have time to dance on a cruise for 9 months or spend a whole month out in NY just to be in a ballerina show for a few hours a night. It's not going to happen. So I can get the audition experience a little bit. But I feel SO pressured. There are a couple of people back home and in Arizona that say, "Can't wait to see you on Broadway!" "You'll be famous!" "New York is going to change your life!" Well, it has. It has changed my life IMMENSELY. I've discovered myself so much. I've also confused myself like there's no tomorrow. And because I feel so pressured to be on Broadway, I am working my butt off trying to put myself out there as a performer and not getting anywhere. Why? Well, I'm still in school so that stops me from a lot of things. I can't get an agent for example. So for a while, I wasn't sleep, so anxious, jittery, it SUCKED. I eventually developed this stupid stomache problem. I feel nervous all of the time. And it's because I want to make it in the industry. I know what I want to do, who I want to work with, etc. but getting there is SO difficult and it's not going to happen in one semester. It probably won't happe until after I graduate. So I just need to CHILL OUT. I keep telling myself that. Heavenly Father is guiding my life and bringing the opportunities to me. I just need to embrace everything and be happy where I am. It's SO hard to remember that a glimpse in the limelight on this earth menas absolutely nothing compared to the glory and amazing blessings of Heaven for eternity after this life. I need to remember this. It's hard but it's a trial that I am becoming more grateful for everyday! This post is a little shorter because I need to go to bed NOW. I'm going to try to get on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Up at 5am! Let's do this!! Swagg. :D Muah! Love you all!

Patience is a Virtue.

Wow. I sincerely apologize for such a long tim inbetween posts. ANYwho, this past week has been quite a week! Monday, the 21st, I went with Charlye for a few hours checking out toy stores Toys R Us and FAO Schwarz. We did everything! We rode the ferris wheel, ate ice cream, went through all of candy lands, Jurassic Park, Willy Wonka, Barbie, Star Wars, Toy Story, Playmobil, Hot Wheels and more! We played on the Big Piano at FAO Schwarz. It was SUPER fun. Pictures of memories are on Facebook. Charlye is such a sweetheart. She's one of my best friends in the city. Tuesday was an uneventful day, other than I started a Geology class online. Wooooo...Wednesday was fun. We learned how to make Enchilada Casserole and Chicken Pot Pie from a married couple that live in the penthouse of our dorms. Oddly enough, while I was eating what we made, I started to feel kinda sick...and I don't think I've recovered. It's been almost a week. Thursday I went with my CA and her friend to a Haitian Matter Awareness Conference and they answered questions from the audience. I kinda went just to go...it was kinda boring....Friday was probably the most amazing day of my life. At 5 o'clock I got on the Subway and got to the Lincoln Stake Center by 5:30. With a few of my friends, we saved our seats only 8 rows from the pulpit. At 7pm, Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles entered the room and he and an Elder Clayton of the Seventy did a Q and A with us. It was PHENOMENAL. I felt so peaceful, so happy, my eyes were WIDE open as I hung onto every word he said. I was in awe. He spoke about so many things but just seeing him in person made my life! When it was over, I quickly walked up to the pulpit and as I approached him, I didn't know what to say. So I said, "Hi Elder Bednar. Thanks." really quietly and then thanked Elder Clayton as well. I walked off the pulpit and the huge line to shake his hand began to form. I started crying. I could not stop. I cried through the entire meeting and then some. I hung around for about an hour or so. I didn't want to go to the Ice Cream Social and I didn't want to go home. Eventually, everyone left and Elder Bednar was still by the pulpit. I walked over to him quickly and said, "Elder Bednar, may I ask you a question?" He shook my hand and said, "Make it quick." I told him about my struggles with dance and how a lot of aspects of my career choice contradict my standards. What should I do? The way he looked at me was priceless. He nodded his head, as if he understood exactly what I was talking about. Because he did. He's never been in that position personally, trying to make it big as a dancer, but he knew and understood my situation. I felt the love of God SO strongly! In short, he told me to read the Family Proclamation and to remember that I have an important role in the plan. He told me to pray about it, wishing the best for my career, but to remember that Heavenly Father will show it to me if I keep on the path. I thanked him, he shook my hand, and left. He was an absolute sweetheart. I adore him. Saturday, I went to the Ivy League Conference and I was the only one there who wasn't from an Ivy League school. We had lunch, pizza, a scavenger hunt across NYC and had a fireside with a great speaker who is big in the fashion industry and LDS. I hope to get in touch with him. In addition, we went out for Thai dinner, Hungarian dessert, and socializing. I met some fun people. Sunday I played in church, as that is my calling in the ward now. Later that night, I went to Carol's apartment. A friend of a friend. She lives in the same apartment that Tom Cruise did in the 80s! Super cool!! We had fun snacking and watching the Oscars with other LDS friends. This past weekend has been very spiritual. A theme kept coming back, and an answer to my prayers. I WANT this. I WANT to work with famous people. I WANT to dance on cruise ships. I WANT to "make it big" so to speak as a dancer and performer. I WANT to get an agent. But I still have to finish school. I need to enjoy my social life. I still need to grow as a person. And Heavenly Father will show me the way. He WILL. He will show me how to balance everything and how to be satisfied with what I want to do with what is expected of me and ahead of me in life. I am so grateful for this weekend. It is frustrating to be patient, but it's worth it.

Memories that Mother Brings.

Wow... I'm already in tears. I love you, mom. I love you so much. This whole feuding, bickering, and misunderstanding between my roommates and I is such a strain on me. There are times where they say something offensive, and I try to stand up for myself, but in the end they hurt my feelings. Those are the moments where I wish you were here. I wish I could just hug you and you could cradle me back and forth and let my tears dry on your shirt. My mom is the most amazing woman in the world. Heavenly Father put me in her care for a reason and she has done more than fulfill her requirements and duties as a parent. She has given up so much so that I could chase my dreams. I hope to catch up to them one day soon. She allowed me to try anything and everything. From flute to clarinet to the love of the piano my mom enriched me with the most amazing talents to teach what I was interested in. And even when it got to the point that my interest was gone and replaced with ignorance, she kept at me to help me realize my gifts, my potential, and my love for the instrument. And now, I'm the ward pianist. Imagine that. It only gets better. My mom put so much time, money, and effort into my fiery passion for dance. She would take me when I was younger to class and watch me make a fool of myself amongst my friends as I laughed and ran around the room, driving Miss Bonnie nuts. And then she would ask me every year if I wanted to try something new. Of course I would say yes, and she would sacrifice a little bit more to make it happen. She paid for costumes, went with me to find costumes, helped me with quick changes, video taped every memory and supported me with every pirouette. I never imagined that dance would be my life career choice. I just never wanted to stop. I know I am not the best dancer out there, but I'm the best dancer in my mom's eyes. And her sacrifice continued into my education. My mom knows her stuff. When it comes to education, she wanted the best for me. She knows that Heavenly Father wants all of us to get a great education and she strived for that everyday. Not only would she work all night with me to study for tests, stay up until 3am making a pop up book for an A+ on my only project for the year, and sit there as we went over the same math problem at least 20 times, but she was always at school, whether helping other parents with programs for us, or trying to switch teachers so we could get the best education possible, to speaking with the principal for unfair grading in a course. She did it all. On top of that, she did it all while working full time. And she continues to do this by giving the same blessings and opportunities to my brother. I don't know how she does it. I hope I can be as half as amazing and valiant as my mother. What an example! She brought the spirit into our home (and kept it there for as long as she possibly could). She had us all read scriptures together and to make us remember that family and the Lord always come first before anything else. She instilled good manners and kind words into our minds so that we would always strive to be kind to others. She taught us that hard work pays off and work before play is a must. She taught organization and its effectiveness in every aspect of our lives. She even taught me how to speak with a profound power during a sacrament talk so I could engage everyone listening. She taught me not to judge when first meeting someone, but to judge them on their character after working with them. She taught me who were true blue friends and who were "fickles". She taught me to love my Savior and to strive to pray to Heavenly Father, reminding me that He does listen and answer. She taught me to NEVER give up and to always finish what I start. She taught me simple things like how to clean a bathtub to life lessons on the Spirit and homemaking. She gave it all to me and I feel like a strong, beautiful, LUCKY young woman to have the best parents anyone on this temporal earth could possibly be given. I don't know how to say how grateful I am in words. A word in a dictionary cannot describe it. You have made me strong, mom. You have nourished laughter, dedication, and love into my memory and my lifestyle. You have lifted me up when I have fallen in every trial and tribulation. You know exactly what to say and when to say it. You discern what's the best for me. You keep all of my options open, even when it seems that there is less than a sliver of a chance that it is possible. You make it happen. You always pull through for me. I am forever grateful and in debt to your diligence. Thank you, thank you, thank you.  When I think of you, the warmth you bring, and the Spirit and comes with it.... I REALLY wish you were here. I want to see you and be with you. I want to hug you and kiss you. And I want to laugh with you and pray with you. Always know I am with you in spirit. It is so hard to grow up, because you have to fly from the nest. But the nest is such a wonderful place. It's a Heaven on Earth and it is something that is difficult to replicate. I love you, mommy. I love you SO much! Call me when you can. I want to hear your voice. I hope you are happy and well.
All of my love,
Your Daughter

Not Again.

Oh happy day. I'm having roommate problems again. I have no idea what I did but all of the sudden one of them hates me. She's getting mad at me about everything. How I'm not doing the dishes, doing things without asking first, making a mess and not cleaning it up, and not taking out the recycling. Of course, none of this is true. I always clean my dishes and if I feel like it, I clean theirs too. I always ask before I take a shower or have a friend over because that is what we discussed as roommates. THEY don't ask for my permission for anything! I always clean up my mess in the kitchen and I don't leave clothes and shoes lying around everywhere in my room (not that that matters because they have their own bedroom). As for the recycling, I took it out last week because it was overflowing. It started overflowing again so I figured I'd take it out again soon but I was out with a friend. The next morning, my roommate came in all upset that she had to do it because most of the recycling was mine. Well...a good chunk of it but not all of it and I did it last time so buck up. I took out the trash yesterday and it was leaking so I had to clean that gross mess. She needs to grow up a bit. I didn't even do anything! And apparently this all started in a Skype conversation I was having with my parents. My mom asked how my roommates and I were doing. I told her fine and we don't really talk much. They just kind of do their own thing in their room. But they're nice. She replied something along the lines that they seem different than me, in terms that they are more low key and quieter while I'm more bubbly and energetic. But she did not say anything bad about them. She hasn't even MET them! My mom would never judge anyone she does not know. The next day, I came home from class and was working on homework at my computer. I opened up an important email and was really focusing on reading it when she came in the door. She said hi and explained that I should not talk about them while they're home. I looked at her like...what? She explained how she overheard the conversation with my parents last night. I told her I didn't say anything bad about you guys. She said, "Not according to what your MOM said." I was offended by that. How dare you judge my mother, an AMAZING woman who raised me, taught me right, and kept a wholesome, sweet, spirit in our home. She works SO hard for both Braden and I. So don't even!!! I said I just told her we don't talk much and we don't. I wish we did. She said, "FINE." and walked into her room and slammed the door. She called someone, said "BYE!" rudely and left to go for a walk with someone. I started crying. I don't know what I did to make her so mad but this is now how roommates should act with each other. I called my dad while walking to class and he couldn't believe it. I met up with Arielle, who moved out because of the other two roommates and she explained that it's all starting again. She went through the exact same thing. I don't know what to do but I will NOT let them push me around. NOT AGAIN. I already went through that last semester. I hope that I can get a roommate soon because it is miserable living here. I'm all alone out here without a roommate, they don't talk to me, they're in their own little world. What's worst of all, they talk about me like I'm not even here. It's awful. I miss Arielle. I don't know why these girls have all of the sudden turned on  their "evil" switch....but please turn it off.

I'm an absolute GENIUS.

Had an AMAZING idea today as I trudged through 34 degree weather :( . Stacy Gaspard, a friend of mine I met here through the Spring in NY program told me about her aspirations to become famous. We giggled and enjoyed the "simple plan" of become a celebrity. Then, I thought about how I have been trying SO HARD every day to put myself out there as a performer and entertainer through mainly dance, some acting, and a little singing. Stacy wants to do the same thing!! It dawned on me!! I asked her, "Stacy, do you wanna make a music video?" She replied, "Heck yes!!" Later, I found out that she and a mutual friend, Coco, were working on song lyrics. The networking JUST in the Spring in NY Program!! I emailed Stacy right away this evening after putting it all together in my head. I think it would also help ALL of us in great ways. The Internet is SO powerful these days. I say we get a group together! People who are willing to work and take in the time to make great videos! We'll give everyone a job, something in their field of interest. Whoever likes to do photography can grab their camera and take backstage shots and headshots for all of us aspiring performers. Whoever is in film can film and edit the videos together. Whoever wants to perform can collaborate and switch off roles so we can sing, act, dance, whatevs! If someone is into publicity, they can put a website together, inform other people about the site, post to YouTube and network. What do you think?! I think we should get a whole team together! There is strength in numbers and I know it will take up a good chunk of our time but it is time well spent. We will all learn and grow from it, have a close group of friends, and it will keep us busy. It's like we already have a job, just not getting paid. Hahaha!  I really think it will help all of us. Who knows what will happen?! Maybe someone "important" will see the videos we make or notice who we put down as the editor or whatever. Things can happen! We just have to create material first. Tell me what you think. But let's work fast! We only have a semester together! Everyone benefits......I know. I'm so awesome.

It's Hot In Here!!

For  realz!! We hit 55 degrees today in NYC! I was SO happy! I was SO happy that I went on an almost 3 hour walk. I live on Union Square which is between 15th and 16th streets. I walked, NO SUBWAY WAS USED IN THIS TRIP, to 55th Street. I wanted to go further and walk in Central Park but I had to get back for an online class. This past week has gone very well and it continues to go well. The big thing going on right now would probably have to be my Fan Page on Facebook. Please become a fan and tell your friends, family, and perfect strangers to like it as well. I also got a YouTube account and just posted dance videos on it. I plan to put up more, believe me. I'm experimenting with choreography because I suck at it and I want to get better. I'm hoping many, many, many, many, many, many, many people will watch them and SUBSCRIBE! :D I hope to collaborate with some of my fellow NYU and ASU Students on this channel too! I'm keeping up to date with Twitter and  Facebook and I'm always trying to post new material. Something tells me to just check every Monday and new stuff will probably be up. I just hope that I can get people. This past week I've learned so much about myself and it all comes down to the corny phrase- I have a dream and I want to acheive it. I want it SO badly! I want to dance and sing and act and love life and meet people and network and work for amazing people and get to know celebrities and have one of a kind experiences! I want it all! I want to enjoy it. It feels SO STINKIN' CLOSE yet so farrrrrrrr awayyyy. It's a rough feeling to deal with sometimes. On the 9th, when I last posted, Sylvia and I watched "Princess Protection Program" which was a cute Disney movie that made me feel wonderful inside. After this, I looked around on the Netflix Queue and found "A Little Princess" that made me cry and jump for joy. It was so adorable!! I'd seen it before but that's besides the point. Thursday I had my work study and full day of classes. I was falling asleep in all of them. I need to go to bed earlier. I get really sleepy during the day and that my friends, is because I lose track of time and go to bed at 1am and get up at 7 or 8am...which isn't enough sleep for me. Friday I had a nice chillaxin' day. We had a substitute in tap and apparently she was blown away by the fact that whenever she gave us something, I could learn it in less than 5 minutes and replicate exactly what she did. I hardly ever practiced in there. So I worked on my acting skills. Apparently that is what I am lacking when it comes to auditions and things. I have professors and teachers and friends who are helping me with that. The weekend I kinda had plans but they all fell through. I skyped with Ashleen Piercy Saturday afternoon which made me very happy. She's a sweetheart and a funny one at that. Sunday was bliss. I got called to be the ward pianist in our church so I'm really excited about that. When I came home I just fiddled on Facebook, did some homework, and enjoyed the beautiful day. Around 7:30 I visited Stacey and Coco, two friends who live in a dormitory just a few blocks from mine. A bunch of us got together and we ate mini-cupcakes, drank soda, and watched the Grammy's. It was a TON of fun! I really enjoyed watching. ALL of the performances were absolutely spectacular and classy. LOVED IT ALL! I love music. What an amazing gift. And here we are, up to date on Today. Today I got up and did some homework, went and choreographed two and a half pieces, which you should look at on my YouTube Account. http://www.youtube.com/user/abusydancer14 :D And tell others as well. Like I said, I'm trying to get my name out there. Anyways, after that I came back and did some more homework. Then, I decided I was going to check out Times Square. I walked all the way to 55th street. I saw SO many beautiful buildings. I found the Ed Sullivan Theatre. I walked past the Museum of Modern Art. I went through Madison Square Garden. And I enjoyed taking tons of pictures through Times Square. My walk last about 3 hours. It felt great and I hope to be able to enjoy a walk like that every Monday from now on. It's better than the gym!! :D So then I came back just in time for class to start online and here I am now, eating dinner and blogging. Blog blog blog. I have dance class tonight and a CRAZY week ahead of me. I was waiting for the day that I would say this and today is the day. I LOVE NEW YORK CITY!!!! :D

Since There's a Trend Already....

So, just a quick note. I've decided to start posting videos on YouTube. One thing that I've noticed is that when it comes to dance, I'm a robot. I'm given choreography, I process it in my brain, and I perform it closest to the exactness as I can. However, there is more to dance than that. I want to EXPRESS myself.  I want to find myself, lose myself, and depending how I'm feeling, find me again. So, to do this, I want to play with choreography. Now, I'm already doing this in a class here at NYU as well as many classes about it at ASU. But I want to do my own thing now. I LOVE music. Anyone who knows me well knows I need my ipod or I will die. So, I think I will just choose a song, spend maybe an hour choreographing something to it, and then video myself performing it. And then I'll realize how badly I performed that so I'll record it like two-three more times til it's do-able and then I'll post it to YouTube. I would NEVER want to post anything performance wise of mine to YouTube. But that is definitely one of my weaknesses. Who cares how poorly I perform?! Other than everyone viewing, probably including well known dancers, performers, maybe even celebs and talent agencies. But I'm just merely planning to express me and my wants, how a song moves me and playing with different genres (preferably stuff that's not lyrical. I tend to just stay in the lyrical zone.) Anyway, keep an eye out for that. There is a dance room in the basement of the dormitory here. I plan to check out about 2 hours or so in that space and do this maybe once a week. Just play. That's all. Wouldn't that be fun?! :D I'm excited. I get to dance whatever I want!!!!

Just Read It.

Alright. We're going to talk about Justin Bieber a bit. KEEP READING. It's not what you think. I've got some "Bieber Fever" we could say, but in a different form. This all started last semester, when I thought Justin Bieber was just a dopey teeney bopper kid who sang the song "Baby" 24/7. However, Janessa Faust, a former roommate of mine said she wanted to show me a music video. I went into her room and sat with her at the computer and she popped it up on YouTube. The title was: Somebody to Love- Justin Bieber. She was about to press play and I said, "No. I'm not watching that. Little kids like him. Not adult college students like myself. No." She told me to chill and just watch. By the time that 4 minute song was over, I was hooked. The choreography amazed me. It wasn't the most intense and difficult choreography in the world (except when the breakin' crews busted out of course) but it was so clean cut and smooth. There wasn't anything provocative about it. It was fun, it kept me entertained, and it was appropriate. Then I thought, well duh, he's 16 years old. He's not going to sing about making love like his mentor, Usher. But still, I feel like he has an edge but can still get away with modesty even into his later years. That's what I want to be a part of!! As a dancer, I feel like I have to act like a slut at every audition, every performance, when it comes to making it big. Maybe I won't have to with this guy. I started reading about him, his personality, how he got his start, and his music. As I watched more and more videos and following him on Twitter, his personality shined through. What a fun kid! He seems fun to hang out and makes me laugh all of the time. He boost me up and makes me feel like I can do anything. He will probably never read this post or even know I exist, but my hope is to work with him some day. His whole thing right now is "Never Say Never". He wants everyone to dream big and acheive what they want. Honestly, being in NYC, I feel like anything is possible at times. I feel like I have access to everything. And then the next minute I feel so lost, confused, and crying, feeling like there's just no way. Justin's message has stayed with me. Whenever I go to dance class, I work my butt off. I want to perfect everything, especially my theatrical side for auditions. I hope that someday...somewhat soon, like when I get my degree, I can somehow meet him, hang out, and either dance behind or with him, and maybe eventually choreograph for him. I would not choose any other star in the entertainment industry right now. They are all wonderful in their own right. But I feel like I can be myself with Justin and I don't have to worry about how thin and sexy I look on stage because that's not JBs platform. It is so hard to explain but that is my ultimate goal at the moment. Maybe it will change. In fact, I think it will once I got back to Arizona, where the opportunity slims down to almost nothing compared to LA or NYC. But hopefully with Courtney Miller Jr's book, all of my past and present teachers and professors help, and the support of my friends and family, I can do this! :D I hope I can do this. I feel that my heart is in it. I really do.

I Feel Famous....

Sooooo...this past weekend has been PHENOMENAL!! Things are finally looking up. The end of the trial is near!! :D :D :D :D :D I know you're all going, "Finally, geez i got sick of her whining." Hahaha! But honestly, it's blown up into this huge thing all of the sudden! First of all, let's begin with the week. The last I posted was Tuesday. I apologize for the delay. Wednesday through Friday was a mess. My class schedule has changed at least 3 times. Billy, my advisor, has been AMAZING in advocating for me and doing the best he can to get my ideal classes. Many program and ideas have been switched around. Hopefully, by the beginning of this week, it will all be cleared up! So I believe it was Wednesday night, I got an email from Miss Charlye Dehart, a girl I met at church. Her birthday is February 6th and she was celebrating it the whole weekend and invited me. Through this weekend, I got to know a lot more people and now I feel popular! At long last. Hahaha! So, I woke up Friday morning and went to my Musical Theatre History II: 1930s to present class. SUPER FUN! We basically discuss and watch videos of musicals. We learned about South Pacific and the King and I. We're getting closer to Singing in the Rain era really fast. My favorite. :D Then, I went to the bookstore to buy some minor things and had a great chat with my dad. He was in Arizona at the time helping out relatives. Anyway, then I went to a little deli I picked at random and had an AMAZING lunch which consisted of a wrap with grilled chicken, feta cheese, and red and green peppers with basil vinagrette, a gingerale, veggie and sweet potato chips, and a butterfinger. It was quite wonderful. However, I am noticing that I am gaining a little weight. We will change that soon enough. Starting tomorrow I will be attending a few dance classes a week and hopefully get into a groove of a gym schedule. Then I had a meeting with one of my professors. She's a sweetheart but her name is Leslie Satin (pronouned Satan....odd....). After this, I went to my two hour tap class. I was supposed to have Friday off but now I have Mondays off so I can finally rest up a bit tomorrow. Hahaha! This two hour class is actually an advanced tap class! So I'm actually challenged! It's FANTASTIC! Love the teacher. Only like 5 students. Lots of individualized attention. And we have a history lesson of a famous tapper at the beginning of each class. Last week was Bojangles :D Then, I went home and freshened up and took the subway to meet up with Charlye and her friends. The Paul Morgan Library and Museum was fantastic!! I saw originally diaries down to the 1600s! I saw Bob Dylan's originally doodles to create lyrics. I saw original material write ups about 9/11 and some famous poets drawings and doodles. AMAZING. I learned a lot. I went into the founder's personal library and study. GORGEOUS. Red velvet EVERYWHERE!! Intense and he cared so much about collected. It was amazing. After that, I went home and went to bed early. Saturday we were all up at 5am and at Rockefeller Center by 6. You guessed it. In line for SNL Tickets!! WOO! After that, my whole group was tired and took the subway home. I stayed there and went sightseeing. I even got on Weekend Today Show! I waved as "Broadway" Bill Karins did the weather. Then, he came up to me, shook my hand, and we chatted for at least 5 minutes about school, life, and Arizona. His family lives in Chandler so we talked about Sunny AZ a lot. He was super nice and approachable. Great guy. After this, I checked out Rockefeller Plaza, the ice rink, the shops, Radio City Music Hall. It started snowing but I didn't care. It wasn't bad and I had a LOT of layers on. I walked up high enough to hit Central Park. I made a TINY dent in the huge park and it was a sight to see. Heavenly Father created such  a beautiful world and we never stop or slow down enough to notice. The snow covered everything. What a winter wonderland! I took lots of pictures. :D After this, I planned to head down to Times Square but my feet were really irritated so I went home. I had some lunch. Met up with Charlye and the group at 2pm for "Sweeney Todd" only to find out it was sold out. We decided to go back on Sunday. I went to Chelsea Market with Ashley Pacini. Really elaborate place. I went home and did some homework and fiddled on my usual social networking sites. :P After this, we met up again at Waldy's Pizza. We all bought our own personal pizza and went back to Ashley's to eat and party up with soda and Italian cake! Mmmmmm. After this, we all got back on the subway again to get in line for SNL. With our stand by ticket, we waited. We got to the FRONT OF THE LINE!! Then they said they were full. BUMMER!! We went back to Dave's apartment to watch it on TV. It was one of the best SNLs ever performed on that stage. With our host, DANA CARVEY, he did at least 3 impressions and brought back the original Church Chat skit. Guests stars like Mike Myers, Justin Bieber, and John Lovitz showed up. We were all growning out of bitterness for not being able to watch it live. My favorite would probably have been Church Chat or "the Roommate" preview. But the WHOLE show was absolutely hilarious. By then it was 1:30AM and I was exhausted. Being up for over 20 hours, I safely made it on the subway and then home and went straight to bed. I woke up the next morning for church and that evening I went to Hannah Wrights and Brenda Saunders apartment on Wall Street. We had dinner, delicious brownies, and made Valentine's Day cards for our roommates. Nate Henderson was there as well and he gave us all a hardtime being the smart alec he is. Around 9 I came home and did homework. This is when I felt famous. People were sending me messages left and right, friend requests, people asking me to hang out, and trips they want to take. All I need are dying fans wanting to take pictures with me and get autographs and i'm done! In fact, while making cards, I perfected my signature and I think I shall use it that way for the rest of my life. It's PERFECT. It's a good mix between my mom and dad's signatures actually. Therefore you can't read it at all. But that's ok, cuz it looks awesome!! Hahaha! So I've decided that I really want to go to SoHo on Monday (today) and check out all the shops and whatnot. I'm also told that all of the celebrities hang out there. I wish to spot one...maybe take a picture...maybe stalk them. Who knows?! :P It should be a good week. I hope to get famous for real...or something like that. It should be good. Night all! <3

February 1, 2011 - A Ray of Sunshine Made A Bright Day

Yesterday was quite exquisite. For one, it was 35 degrees outside, probably the warmest since I've been here. And it actually felt warm! Believe it or not you Arizona Devils!! It felt warm...yes it did...underneath all 5 layers of clothing. :P Anyway, it was a BEAUTIFUL day. What a blessing. I was feelign really down on top of being so tired. For some reason (Netflix), I was up late all weekend, including the Snow Day on Thursday and I had to get up Monday morning around 6:45am for class at 8. However, I was done with class by 10:45am. It's fantastic. :D So, what do I do after 10:45am? I walk in the complete opposite direction of home down random roads and get somewhat lost. Explore even one new street opens a whole new world in New York City! No matter where you go, you see something new. For example, the past few days, I walk along University to get to the Education Building Monday through Thursday. And every morning, I see this older man across the crosstreets of University and Waverly Place (yes,THE Waverly Place :P) and he's yelling something about the number 6 and points 6 fingers up everytime a taxi went by?? Today, he was yelling about the number 4, but still holding up 6 fingers. So confusing, but pretty funny. Anyway, I eventually found myself on 2nd Avenue and 6th Street. Right in front of me is one of the Tisch School of the Arts buildings. I walked in, went to the third floor on a really cool old fashioned elevator, and asked to speak with the Department Chair of the Dance Department. I gave them my information so he could contact me. I walked slowly home, enjoying the air, the day. Who knew that a little sunshine would make a day SO perfect. I was happy all day long! Then, I went to "le pain quotidien" and bought one of the most expensive, yet amazing meals ever. Costing just under $14, I had smoked salmon with avocado, lemon, and tomatoes with lettuce. It was really filling and REALLY good. I enjoyed my time with Courtney Scott, who I met at church and is fun to be with!! :D In addition, I bought an almond merengue which is really sweet but very good. It's like cream, hardened with a melt-in-your-mouth cotton candy like sticky sugary stuff in the middle and it's just drizzled with almonds. It's so big and so sweet, it will last me a while. After that, I returned home and started working on homework....after finish watching Meet Me in St. Louis starring Judy Garland. For some reason, I have a love for older movies now more than ever. I did my homework and then we met with Jessica, my RA, to have "base", when all of the roommates meet and discuss living arrangements....that's up in the air at the moment but hopefully this little bump in the road will pass and we'll get a regular routine going. Today was a little more stressful since I'm trying to get Tisch's attention and they won't budge....I don't want to talk about today. Today was frustrating. And I realize now that school and not having a regular dance schedule, like in studios and stuff, is throwing me off and upsetting me. At least now I can pinpoint it. But I just wish I could get another ray of sunshine....I am SO blessed.

The Past Two Days = The Epitome of Laziness

So these past two days, I've done absolutely nothing. Hahaha! I've sat my butt on my computer all day either working on homework, watching a movie, figuring out scheduling, or chatting on Skype. I've also been looking into a few internship opportunities as well and talking back and forth with my parents about it. Thursday, we actually ended up with a Snow Day. For any regular college kid, this is the perfect opportunity to ditch school, sleep in, and go out on the town, maybe some sightseeing, laugh with friends. And what did I do? Slept in until almost 10:30 am (I think I'm still on CA time because I'm draggin' every day), got up, watched Daddy Long Legs starring Fred Astaire and Leslie Caron, made lunch, watched Royal Wedding with Fred Astaire and Jane Powell, made dinner and fnished watching until almost 2AM. So, naturally, I skype with some friends and sleep in the next day. I woke up this morning around 10:30AM, I don't have classes today. Got on skype with Mr. Matt Sawtelle around 11AM and chatted for about an hour. I went to "toasties" deli for a sandwich and soda for lunch. I came back and started watching Hollywood Musicals of the '40s. Then, I did a little research on Miss Judy Garland. She is like....the exact same life of Michael Jackson. Awful parents, forced to do things, incredible talent, never quite getting her love life right, and dying young due to all of the pressures of paparazzi, MGM studios, and even her own mother. Due to "prescription" drugs MGM gave her at the age of 18 to make her get more thin, she eventually got addicted to them and rehab did not exist then. With minor help from a hypnotist and because her marriages kept failing, she had to battle it out on her own. Addictions are hard, folks. She died at the age of 47 from an accidental drug overdose, but no one knows exactly why or how, since she was with her husband the whole time. She left behind, I think, two daughters. Liza Minelli, who was also an amazing talent, and Lorna Luft. And one son, T. Luft. Her life was very interesting, yet hard. What I simply did not understand was why MGM even hired her in the first place if they didn't know what to do with her and, more importantly make her change her entire look, including nose discs so her nostrils wouldn't flare (wierd??), false teeth to acheive a perfect smile, and odd ways to make her thinner. Why do all of that when you can just find someone else with plenty of talent and the look you desire? Why make her go through all of that at age 17? That's awful. Anyway, after finishing that movie, I decided to actually do something today, so I spring cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. They were both a pig sty. After which, I had a short phone call with my mom and then performed for my creative practices class at Arizona State via Skype. After that, we are to the present. I am sitting here, eating Mac and cheese for dinner with some water and maybe an apple if I feel like it....watching more Netflix...no plans for tomorrow....or Sunday.....hmmmm...So far New York is NOT what everyone said it would be......Am I doing something wrong??...Well, besides my laziness the past few days....I can't make friends to go hang out with. It's just not working out....

A Post Created Because My Friends Call Me A Meany....

So, at approximately 2 o'clock pm Eastern Standard Time on January 24th, 2011, Miss Sylvia Bargellini and myself both went onto Netflix to watch "Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer". A 1985 cartoon movie was an 85 minute infestation of rainbows, fuzzy trolls, and ridiculousness. In fact, Wikipedia sums it up pretty well, saying, " In the film, Rainbow Brite tries to bring spring to an Earth that is already facing a perpetual winter. She must stop a wicked princess who wants all of Spectra, a planet-sized diamond through which all the light in the universe has to go through."....Yeah....So there were many odd characters. You had Rainbow Brite, the magical little 6 year old with a humongous hair-do that made Spring magically appear and her multi-colored friend, the gay talking horse, Starlite. Some othe characters was the spoiled brat of a princess with a PET emerald! She'd walk it, give it commands, pet it, and give it unconditional love. In the end, she sacrificed it into order to fuel her getaway ship. What the heck?! We were laughing the entire time. Then, Star Brite's practically fiance who pretends to be a girl hater, owns the BEST character in this movie. On-X the talking robot who blocks bullets, saves lives, and yells, "danger, danger" 5 seconds before the attac, was the most amazing character in this film. I want a pet robot horse. There was a random evil villian with no talent whatsoever and the usual dumb sidekick for "comic relief". I don't even remember their names. Rainbows were puked everywhere and of course, spring magically appeared with 5 seconds of victory. The most ridiculous thing about this is the fact that these two 6 year old "heros" who keep losing their powers and then somehow get them back, could have avoided SO many obstacles by simply owning a bit of common sense.....Anyways, Sylvia and I had some laughs and our Skype conversation has been saved for definite future reference. Sylvia is an amazing friends. Not only does she watch dumb, children movies with me, she's caring and an amazing friend. What would I do without her? LOVE.

January 26, 2011 Subway Insanity

So today started off as a normal day....wow that sentence was cliche. Anyway, I went to these dumb Ballet and Tap classes again. They're so easy I'm yawning in class now. It's bad. Anyway...I then went to the Postmodern Dance class I have once a week through Gallatin School of Individual Study. It was great! The class reminded me a lot of ASU. Then I found out that my teacher, Leslie Satin, went to school with one of the dance professors at ASU. Small world. It was a great class. We ended early so I don't know how I'm going to get through 2 hours and 45 minutes of that. Oi...After that I made my way home and defrosted for a bit. I grabbed something to eat and did my online course at ASU. Apparently it was somewhat of a success. Overall, a good class. At 3pm this time, I went to Billy Felz office. He's my advisor. I wanted to switch my schedule around to get some more challenging and enticing classes. He couldn't do much for me, although he tried very hard. He gave me about 6 other classes that I could join if I wished. I'm looking through them now to see if I'd like to have any and make a whole new schedule. Because the one right now sucks pretty badly. After all of this, I got a text from Hannah Wright. She wanted to go to dinner. I was totally down for that. BUT, she lives on Wall Street, which means I had to take the subway. She told me to take the 4,5,6 down. First of all, specify which one, 4,5, or 6?! There were at least 4 different subways for each one....It took me forever to find them. Then, I realized that I didn't know where to get off on the subway. I slowly backed away and tried to call her. No reception. I started freaking out in my head. I didn't want to get on a subway, realize that Wall Street is not a stop, get off somewhere random, and be lost, alone, and cold all night long. PASS. Not in NYC. So I held back tears of frustration and just left...who knows how much money I wasted on my metro pass. I went to a Walgreens for a soda and walked home. Tears just kept coming. I kept asking myself, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!?!" I feel like it gets worse and more frustrating everyday. My roommates are so kind and make it sound so easy, but it's not. At one point, my dad and I were discussing my scheduling over the phone. I'm beginning to consider just ditching everything and heading back to ASU for the semester. I don't know how much more I can take....I call upon Heavenly Father for help and He has been amazing in keeping me safe and mostly warm. But I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel like I'm not benefiting from any of this, I get lost all the time, and just missing home. It's just not worth the sadness or tears. I didn't know I was capable of this many tears....

January 25, 2011

Well, this is a tad late but it is still the beginning of the semester!! As many of my fellow college students know, a new school, a new life, new friends, all that jazz, is rough. Unless you're in a sorority, in which case you buy your friends, it can be diffiult finding things to do on a Saturday night besides watching Netflix with a box of tissues and double fudge chocolate chip chunk chocolate ice cream. Coming to New York was very exciting. I get to be in one of the most busy and amazing places in the world, let alone the United States. I get to explore the Big Apple at my leisure and on top of that, take classes through New York Univeristy, one of the best private schools in the US. However, not all goes according to plan. My dad came with me on our flight out here and I was ecstatic the entire trip. In fact, I sat next to Zoe Berman, a junior at NYU. We chatted about school and finding the way around town and I got even more excited! When we landed, I got my first taxi ride! We lugged all my suitcases in the trunk, crossed the bridge and ended up at the Chelsea Inn, an adorable 30's original mini-hotel. We enjoyed a good night sleep (after watching David Letterman of course) and we were up with jetlag at 9am the next day. Now the 20th of January, we walked over to get my NYU ID, a piece of cake. Afterwards we checked into my dorm and threw all my suitcases in my room. Alicia and Stephanie are my two suitemates, both seem really nice. I unpacked all my clothes and hung them and folded them and walked around the apartment. My dad hooked up my computer. We realized my stuff in two boxes we sent off did not arrive. We ended up walking all the way to Houston, quite a walk people, to get them and took a taxi back. Due to jetlag, not sleeping well, excitement and walking, I got tired very fast. To make matters worse, my dad and I had computer trouble and I ended up losing everything on my computer. I am still redownloading programs onto my desktop and hoping that viruses won't attack my poor defenseless laptop. My dad is sending all the disks I need via mail and should be here tomorrow.

From there, things got worse. Saturday the 22nd rolled around and I was all moved in and went grocery shopping. I spent the whole morning on my bed watching my dad work on my computer some more....and then....I had to say goodbye. At Arizona State, it didn't seem as hard. I knew he was a half a days drive away, grandma and my aunt lived close by, and the LDS Institute was a great place to make friends. I am Mormon and a lot of institutions set up space to build a Mormon church and activity area where we can take religion classes, just like school, during the day, go to church, mingle and hang out, have activities, and YES, date. But at NYU, home is across the country. There is not an institute building here. Just a small chapel down 3 blocks. The closest family are in Virginia. I would be alone. He gave me a hug to say goodbye and I could hear him holding back his tears as he squeezed me tighter. I did the best to hold mine but I am such a boob....I saw him walk down the hall and the last thing he said was, "Smile. Be happy like you always are." Someone across from my room came out and I didn't want them seeing my crying there so I quickly shut the door. He left and I looked out the hall again. The elevator closed and he was gone. No one was in the apartment. I completely lost control and balled my eyes out. I cried for a good ten minutes and debating in my mind if I should run after him.....I regret that I didn't. I could not keep myself from streaming tears down my face. But I knew I was meeting up with Hilary Keyes, a girl I met through a friend at Arizona State. 15 minutes later, my eyes were dried up and I was layered up to defeat the bitter cold. I met Hilary at Union Square and explained why I was late. She responded saying I needed comfort food. We went to S'macs, a Mac and Cheese restaurant that take great pride in their work. It tasted deeeeeelicious!! After that we walked around "campus" a bit and got to know each other. She headed home about 2 hours later and I went back to the dorm. I sat there. Wishing I could see my dad....

Sunday the 23rd rolled around and I was excited for a new day and church to lean on. If anyone understood my lonliness and frustration, it was Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I went hoping I would meet someone....and I did. Hannah Wright and Jared Greco were easy to slip into conversation with and we got along as if we were old pals all three hours of church. We exchanged numbers and I felt spiritually uplifted on top of that. I met the bishop who seemed sweet, and went home happy.

Monday the 24th was the first day of school. I had 8am Tap class and 9:30am Ballet class. Both were extremely easy and under my level. I was very irritated with it all...Those were the only two classes I had that day. I went home without breaking a sweat and looked up dance studios, their class rates, their work studies, all day. I ran errands, made my meals, and worked on my online classes. I have an online class via video chat at ASU. It was amazing to see my dancers again.

Today! Tuesday the 25th was much better. I had a hint of hopefulness enter my life. I went to a 9:30 Jazz class this morning and it felt great!! The dancers in the class seemed to have some experience. I worked hard and plan to work harder as the teacher is very motivating. That is what I wanted. I felt good to just dance and be myself. Ever since I got here I haven't felt like me, very shy and intimidated all the time. After which I walked to PMT Dance Studio where Pavan Thimmiah, a well known dancer, runs the place. I applied for work study there and after an interview, got the gig!! I'm excited to put it on my resume and begin working in exchange for 2-3 free classes. I work Thursday nights 6-9pm. I then walked all the way back to school to take a Politics in Public Policy class....by this time I realized I hadn't eaten anything and was STARVING. After it was over, I checked out a Nutrition class I signed up for, couldn't take it anymore, and left early to eat and drop the class. I was home around 3:30 and went to "Toasties" for a DELICIOUS cooked philly sandwich and gingerale. I came back home and worked on homework, fiddled on Facebook, talked on Skype, and whatever else I felt like doing. Tonight we had a floor meeting at 9pm. My RA seems super nice. Her name is Jessica. On top of all of this, I received an email this afternoon about a summer internship in many places including Barcelona, LA, NY, Coasta Rica, London, Chicago, and Hong Kong. I plan to apply. I could easily get a Talent Agencies or Casting Internship along with AMAZING site seeing, classes, guest speakers, and job opportunities. No way will I have a boring summer!! That covers almost all of it. It's now 11:20 and I have an 8am class tomorrow. The tap teacher made me his assistant. We'll see how that goes. Night....