January 26, 2011 Subway Insanity

So today started off as a normal day....wow that sentence was cliche. Anyway, I went to these dumb Ballet and Tap classes again. They're so easy I'm yawning in class now. It's bad. Anyway...I then went to the Postmodern Dance class I have once a week through Gallatin School of Individual Study. It was great! The class reminded me a lot of ASU. Then I found out that my teacher, Leslie Satin, went to school with one of the dance professors at ASU. Small world. It was a great class. We ended early so I don't know how I'm going to get through 2 hours and 45 minutes of that. Oi...After that I made my way home and defrosted for a bit. I grabbed something to eat and did my online course at ASU. Apparently it was somewhat of a success. Overall, a good class. At 3pm this time, I went to Billy Felz office. He's my advisor. I wanted to switch my schedule around to get some more challenging and enticing classes. He couldn't do much for me, although he tried very hard. He gave me about 6 other classes that I could join if I wished. I'm looking through them now to see if I'd like to have any and make a whole new schedule. Because the one right now sucks pretty badly. After all of this, I got a text from Hannah Wright. She wanted to go to dinner. I was totally down for that. BUT, she lives on Wall Street, which means I had to take the subway. She told me to take the 4,5,6 down. First of all, specify which one, 4,5, or 6?! There were at least 4 different subways for each one....It took me forever to find them. Then, I realized that I didn't know where to get off on the subway. I slowly backed away and tried to call her. No reception. I started freaking out in my head. I didn't want to get on a subway, realize that Wall Street is not a stop, get off somewhere random, and be lost, alone, and cold all night long. PASS. Not in NYC. So I held back tears of frustration and just left...who knows how much money I wasted on my metro pass. I went to a Walgreens for a soda and walked home. Tears just kept coming. I kept asking myself, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?!?!" I feel like it gets worse and more frustrating everyday. My roommates are so kind and make it sound so easy, but it's not. At one point, my dad and I were discussing my scheduling over the phone. I'm beginning to consider just ditching everything and heading back to ASU for the semester. I don't know how much more I can take....I call upon Heavenly Father for help and He has been amazing in keeping me safe and mostly warm. But I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel like I'm not benefiting from any of this, I get lost all the time, and just missing home. It's just not worth the sadness or tears. I didn't know I was capable of this many tears....