Dance Ups and Downs

Okay, so dance. It's the reason I'm here. And it frustrates the crap out of me. I truly love it but there are times where I think, "Wow, if I just decided to stop dancing right now, SO much pressure would be gone!" I wouldn't have to worry about my figure as much (I mean, not let myself totally go, obviously) but I wouldn't have to be a food nazi. I wouldn't be as hard on myself. Something is always "wrong" with me. I don't have "the look". I can't get my triple pirouette right. My leg isn't straight enough. I do want to perfect my craft but there are times where I just don't feel good enough to make it in this industry. I am grateful that I have a bunch of auditions coming up. I don't plan to book ANYTHING. I don't have time to dance on a cruise for 9 months or spend a whole month out in NY just to be in a ballerina show for a few hours a night. It's not going to happen. So I can get the audition experience a little bit. But I feel SO pressured. There are a couple of people back home and in Arizona that say, "Can't wait to see you on Broadway!" "You'll be famous!" "New York is going to change your life!" Well, it has. It has changed my life IMMENSELY. I've discovered myself so much. I've also confused myself like there's no tomorrow. And because I feel so pressured to be on Broadway, I am working my butt off trying to put myself out there as a performer and not getting anywhere. Why? Well, I'm still in school so that stops me from a lot of things. I can't get an agent for example. So for a while, I wasn't sleep, so anxious, jittery, it SUCKED. I eventually developed this stupid stomache problem. I feel nervous all of the time. And it's because I want to make it in the industry. I know what I want to do, who I want to work with, etc. but getting there is SO difficult and it's not going to happen in one semester. It probably won't happe until after I graduate. So I just need to CHILL OUT. I keep telling myself that. Heavenly Father is guiding my life and bringing the opportunities to me. I just need to embrace everything and be happy where I am. It's SO hard to remember that a glimpse in the limelight on this earth menas absolutely nothing compared to the glory and amazing blessings of Heaven for eternity after this life. I need to remember this. It's hard but it's a trial that I am becoming more grateful for everyday! This post is a little shorter because I need to go to bed NOW. I'm going to try to get on the Today Show tomorrow morning. Up at 5am! Let's do this!! Swagg. :D Muah! Love you all!